In a jam.

So the NDDC awarded me the tender and I replied as requested. I hadn't told Martin I had heard from the NDDC so sent him a message asking if he had heard anything from them. He emailed a few times over the weekend but of course I ignored them as I don't work weekends!! I put him out of his misery this morning!


My reply to the NDDC

Dear Mrs Mary Okoro.

Many thanks to the NDDC for awarding me the contract to supply my goods for your project. I am acknowledging receipt of the documents and wish to know how we proceed to the next stage.

May I take a moment to thank you for choosing my company. We only produce the highest quality goods and can assure you that you won't be disappointed with the outcome.

Yours sincerely

Grey Being.

A message from me to Martin

Good afternoon Martin

I hope you are well this afternoon.

Since submitting my completed Form A2 the the NDDC, I have yet to receive a reply. I was wondering if you had heard anything from them yet? Did you say you were going to meet with them once you had a copy of my completed form? If you check your emails, I did send it to you.

I don't wish to be impatient but time is money Martin and big business waits for no-one.

I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible on this matter.

Regards

Grey.

And from Martin to Me

Dear Grey,

Just coming back from their office, a lot of things are going on, they have started awarding contract to companies that passed their pass mark. I spoke with their secretary,here in Nigeria nothing goes for nothing i tried my best. So she assured me that your name will be among those that will receive contract letter either today or. tomorrow.

So all we need now is favor and prayer. Do update me if you hear from them.

Regards,

Martin

Another couple from Martin

Dear Grey Being,

Information reaching now says that they have send the contract award documents to you. Please confirm to me please.

Regards,

Martin Eze

Dear Grey Being,

Have you receive the award letter or contract from them?Update me please.

Regards,

Martin

Finally I reply!

Good morning Martin!

And what a wonderful morning it is too! On arriving at the office this morning (rather late as I got stuck in traffic behind a lorry carrying strawberries and pectin that had broken down and caused a massive jam.) I checked my emails to find that the NDDC have awarded me the contract!! I received 4 pieces of documentation relating to the award from the NDDC that confirm they wish me to supply the goods for their project.

So Martin, where do we go from here? I have already hired extra staff to help complete the order as it's by far the largest we have ever won. They will be working overtime to complete the order. This is the first time my company has undertaken such a contract and it is rather different from  our usual ones. We usually just supply individuals and small companies so this is a wonderful opportunity for us to get our products out there in the wider world.

I really must take this opportunity to thank you for acting on our behalf as agent. You have brought an amazing opportunity to our company and I will be forever grateful to you. High Lord Rezillo has marked a special role for you once the conquest is complete.

Fond regards

Grey

I won!! I won!!! I won the tender! Now there's a surprise.

What a surprise! The NDDC have awarded me the tender to supply my products for their project. What on earth they will do with sveral thousand Primark bracelets and glass pepper grinders is anyone's guess!!  I received an email from Mrs Mary Okoro with four documents attached. The'documents' are never proper documents, just jpeg images! Anyway, it's mine, all mine!!! £920, 000 contract!!

Attention: The President.

Sir/Madam,

We have awarded the contract to your company after considering so many factors. Kindly go through the contract award confirmation documents attached and get back to us with a return mail a compulsory call to the Head, procurement Unit with the number +2348029954970.

Accept our heart felt congratulations.

Mrs. Mary Okoro

Board Secretary

www.nddc.gov.ng

Info@nddc.gov.ng

+2348191941731, +2348029954970

Boring but necessary.

So, where are we up to? Quite a bit to update from over the last few days. I was sent and duly returned the Form A2 to the NDDC and sent a copy to Martin to look at. I hadn't heard anything so thought it wouldn't hurt to send them a message. All a bit boring but necessary for the bigger picture.

From me to the NDDC

Dear Mrs Mary Okoro

I was wondering if you had discussed my tender with the board yet?  I don't mean to be impatient but I have High Lord Rezillo breathing down my neck wanting to know what is happening.

I look forward to your response.

Grey Being

They Are Amongst Us

From the NDDC

Dear Sir,

The final decision will be made before the end of the week. Our news shall reach you soon.

Mrs Mary Okoro

Secretary

And from me

Dear Mary Okoro

Many thanks for your kind response and I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Regards

Grey Being

More emails blah blah blah! Wish he woud hurry up and ask me for some money!

Here are a few more rather boring emails between the two of us. I just wish he would hurry up and ask for his fee money back!

Dear Grey Being,

I just received a call from one of my agent friend that a form has been distributed to all tender bidders, do notify me if you have receive the form.

Regards,

Martin 

 And from me:

Martin

As stated in my previous email, I received, completed and returned the from. I will keep you informed as soon as I hear anything by return.

Regards

Grey

And from him:

Dear Grey Being,

I am happy to hear from that you have received a copy of the form and have filled it and returned to them. I am happy,do send a copy of the form for my perusal and do update me more.

Regards,

Martin

 And again:

Dear Grey Being,

Send a copy of the form to me please.

Regards,

Martin

So I oblige and send him a copy (not that he hasn't already seen it of course!)

Dear Martin

Please find attached a copy of the Form A2 that I completed.

I have not had any response from the NDDC as of yet but will of course update you as soon as I do hear anything.

Regards

Grey

Whitesnake, lard and squirrels.

A few more emails between the two of us. He wants me to contact the NDDC because he cannot go and see them without an invitation.

Dear Grey Being,

This is a new week it is very very important you contact the NDDC office today to get information from them when they will finish their pricing to enable me visit them, as i can not go to their office without invitation  and notice that my attention is needed.

Do this and inform me .

Regards,

Martin  



I don't reply so he sends this.

Dear Grey Being,

Are you out of office?Update me.

Regards,

Martin

I send him this. It doesn't make much sense, or even mean anything but it made us chuckle!! I also add some kisses just for the hell of it!


Good afternoon Martin.

I must apologise for the delay in getting back to you. I had a bit of an unfortunate incident yesterday involving a squirrel, 2 blocks of lard and a Whitesnake LP. I am not going to go into details but I'm still wiping the grease out of the grooves and I fear the squirrel scratches may become infected.

Anyway, I received a form A2 from the NDDC, filled it in and emailed it back as soon as I was able. Do you need a copy for your file?

I am happy with the way things are progressing and once again wish to thank you for your hard work in this matter. I shall be in meetings all afternoon but will endeavour to check my email later this evening. I will of course update you as soon as I hear anything.

Fond regards

Grey. X x X

Form A2 completed and returned.

I did as asked and completed and returned the Form A2 to the NDDC. Please note the agencey certificate number!

Dear Mrs Mary Okora

Please find attached the completed Tender Verification Form A2.

Should there be any problems, feel free to email me.

Regards

Grey Being

More documents.

I received another email from the NDDC with yet another document attached. This one was Form A2 that I was requested to comeplete and return. I notice that the box next to 'Tender Fee Paid' has been checked. What a surprise!

Attention: The President.

Sir,

Following a mandate that we have to complete this tender within a given time frame,you are required to fill the attached Tender Verification Form A2 and return back to us immediately. The form is very important for our work in this bid. Confirm by email to the Secretary if you receive the attached Form and by phone call to the Head of Procurement Unit(+2348029954970).

Sincerely,

Mrs. Mary Okoro

Board Secretary

 +2348029954970

Say a little prayer.

I have had a very busy weekend so not had a chance to update this blog. There's quite a bit to catch up on too. I had received the document from the NDDC and was awaiting a response. Martin had a meeting to attend with them so I waited to hear the outcome. There was a bit of mutual emailing going on between me and Martin but nothing too interesting. He does however, want me to pray!!

From Martin: 

Dear Grey Being,

Did you hear from them? Update me.

Regards,

Martin


From Me:

Dear Martin

Since we last were in touch I have not heard from NDDC. How did your meeting go yesterday? I hope it was fruitful.

I shall update you as soon as I hear from them but they did say it would take about a week.

Regards

Grey

 

From Martin:

Dear Grey Being,

Yes, it was fruitful, but i did not meet their Chairman,on seat, the secretary told me the same that it will take some days as there are a lot of companies waiting to get approval of their proforma invoice.

It need prayer as it is not an easy work,but i am positive. Do update me if you hear from them.

N/B

Do not wait until one week before you contact them, what you have to do is to be contacting them from time to time so that your file will fresh in their mind while i will also play my part.

Regards,

Martin

The real reason for the current heat wave.

So, I had received the document from The NDDC. It wasn't long before Martin got back in touch wanting to know if I had heard from them.

Dear Grey Being,

How are you today with your workforce? When i submitted your file to the NDDC yesterday, they promised to send your batch number to you. Do confirm to me if you have receive a letter from them with your batch number.

Please respond immediately so that i will visit them today.  The person who is helping me to facilitate this contract have an appointment with me today, but i cannot go they without hearing from you.

Update me.

Regards,

Martin

Then shortly after, I get this one. I bet someone at Barnsley College had a good giggle!

Dear Grey Being,

I have called your office and the lady told me that she knows nobody by the name Grey Being. What is the problem?

Regards,

Martin

I ignore the what he says about the phone call and give him my explanation for the heat wave we are now in the midst of.

Good morning Martin

I was just about to email you when your message came through. Spooky eh? lol!

All is good here in Roswell today. We are currently in the middle of a searing heat wave with record high temperatures and the workers aren’t happy. The air conditioning unit in the factory base has broken down and conditions are unbearable. To try and appease the workers, I have arranged for a local ice cream van to come and visit them at lunchtime and dish out vast amounts of Nobbly Bobbly's, Fabs, Feasts and good old 99's. This should help the situation somewhat and I have said they can all leave early at 2pm. It's so important to keep the workforce happy don't you agree Martin? After all, who would make the Dual Lensed Devo ReRectalators if not them?

I know a lot of people will say that this change in weather is all down to climate change and the greenhouse effect as they call it, but I am not so sure. Between me and you Martin, I think it has an altogether different reason. The temperatures on Voniaco 5 are much higher than here and I do think High Lord Rezillo is making the necessary changes to ensure things are comfortable after the conquest. It's alright for him but he is not the one sweating like a diabetic in a sweet factory.

Anyway, back to business. I received some documentation this morning sent by a Mary Okoro from The NDDC.  I have emailed back to conform receipt and await her response. She did say it would take around a week for the final decision to be made. Of course, I will let you know as soon as I hear from them. Do you need me to send you the batch number you mentioned?

Regards

Grey.

 

So Martin, you want me to carry you along? In this heat? I don't think so!

Dear Grey Being,

Thanks for your mail, when i called your office a lady told me that nobody bear such name, so i became confused, but that is by the way. I am very happy that you have confirm receipt of their mail.  As soon as you hear from them, do carry me along.

God bless you.

Regards,

Martin

I got my official contract from The NDDC!

It's all go on the scammer front today! Mr Eze said I had to wait to hear from The NDDC who would send me documents etc to sign and I must let him know as soon as I heard anything. Well, lo and behold, guess what came via email this afternoon? Two messages from The NDDC! The first one contained a picture of a contract with a nice looking NDDC letterhead. There are lots of numbers, contract numbers, tender numbers etc. Oh and it also says that they have received a payment of GBP 550 paid on my behalf for the tender and registration fees and a receipt covering the payment has been issued. Martin must have paid this for me. Bless his kind and generous soul. I wonder how long before he asks for this back?

Here is the first email from The NDDC

Attention: The President

Sir,

We are sending this piece of document to you by email attachment as a confirmation for receiving your application and proforma invoice for the tender.

Kindly confirm the receipt of this attached document by a return mail and a call to Mr. Kaltungo Moljengo, Head - Procurement Unit with phone number: +234 8029954970.

Mrs. Mary Okoro

Board Secretary

www.nddc.gov.ng

Info@nddc.gov.ng

+2348191941731, +2348029954970,

+2347039053390, +2348078852227

And here is the contract I was sent.

And here is the second email from The NDDC.

Dear sir,

Following the official letter sent to your official this afternoon, we

wish to inform you that we shall be taking our final decision within one

week from today. No new application will be received again and double

application leads to automatic disqualification. All emails received

from us should be responded to the relevant office.

Regards,

Mr. Kaltungo Moljengo

Head - Procurement Unit

--

Dear Sir,

Any require regarding tenders should be forwarded to

tenderboard@projectdirectorate.com.

All mails sent to this email will not be replied to. If you are

submitting tender documents or making any enquiries about tender, kindly

forward all your enquiries to tenderboard@projectdirectorate.com.

MGT

 

 

Waiting for the NDDC

So, I am now just waiting for the NDDC to send me the contract to sign. Really??!!! He is saying his commission is paid once I receive the payment for the goods into my account. I wonder how this is going to work as obviously, there is no paperwork to sign and no one is going to pay me any money for something that isn't real. I wonder how long it will be before he needs some funds upfront for documents etc?

Dear Grey Being,

Thank you very much, i just called your line a lady picked the phone and i told her that i will call back just before i received your mail.

I have submitted it to them, please as soon as you hear from them, do update me.

On my commission, i would like to receive it through bank to bank transfer so i will send my bank details to you as soon as you confirm payment into your account.

On when the contract will be executed, i am not in position to give you any dateline, it is the duty of the end buyer {NDDC} to do that, but based on my idea, it will not be long, once all the contract documents are been send to you for your confirmation and signing , it will not take long.

Do update me.

Regards,

Martin

I ask him to confirm the NDDC will send me documents directly. I bet this soon changes.

Hi Martin

Thanks for the update. So, I take it that NDDC will contact me directly?  I shall await the documents to sign and let you know as soon as I have heard from the NDDC.

Many thanks

Grey

A bit of carrot dangling.

Oh Martin! Your grasp of the English language really isn't that good is it? What a shoddy email.

Dear Grey Being,

I was at the office of NDDC this morning, i meet their secretary she asked me to tell you send the full name of your company and address and your full telephone number.

Please i was told that they will only contact you after receiving these  details. Send them to me today so that i will send it to immediately.

Martin

Just so he doesn't start to get rashy about talking on the phone again, I dangle the commission carrot.

Good morning Martin.

I hope this message finds you and your family well.

I am glad you have heard from the NDDC. The full company name and address was on the header of the invoice I sent you but just for your own records here it is again;

They Are Amongst Us

27 - 37 New Galactic Crescent

Roswell

Barnsley

B1R S 0LE

Telephone:  01226 216216  / 01226 216217

I hate to be pushy, but do you have a rough time scale as to when the deal may be finalised? I am keen to close the deal ASAP as I am under considerable pressure from High Lord Rezillo.

Also Martin, I need details of where to send your commission payment to. You have worked so hard on my behalf that I want to ensure that you get your payment as soon as possible. I take it you have worked out the final amount you are due? Do you wish this to be sent via bank transfer? If so, I will need your details.

Once again, many thanks for all your hard work and I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Best wishes

Grey

 

What a nice polite man Martin is.

Martin is being very polite now, a big change from his earlier temperament. He even sends his regards to Old Mrs Genders! He wants me to contact him when the NDDC get in touch. Yeah, like that's going to happen!

Dear Grey Being,

Thanks for your mail and your kind understanding. I am very surprise to hear that you called my line and somebody picked the phone,i can't believe it, even my wife do not touch my phone, my secretary cannot do that, so i am confused what must have taking place.

Have  the number again, +234-8097068645, the number is the same, so try again, i have also tried to call your line but i am still having the same problem.

My regards to your staff on her send off party.

As soon as you hear from them {NDDC} do update me.

Regards,

Martin

Invoices, sparrows and crabsticks.

So, at last he has submitted my invoice to NDDC. Wooopeee dooo!!!And he still thinks I will call him. Fool!

Dear Grey Being,

Thanks i have submitted your Proforma Invoice to them this morning our time. I will be expecting your call as you promised.

Regards,

Martin

Oh Martin, do you really think I am that silly? Do you really think I would waste my money calling you? Time for some more stalling tactics.

Good afternoon Martin

Many thanks for submitting my invoice to NDDC. I really do wish to thank you so very much for all your hard work in helping me gain this contract. Martin, you have obviously worked tirelessly to ensure that everything goes smoothly and I am eternally grateful. Your professionalism and attention to detail shine through at every stage. By the end of this deal, you will certainly have earned your commission and it will be a delight, nay a privilege for me to pay it to you. I shall also make sure that High Lord Rezillo gives you his eternal thanks in person when the time comes for the conquest.

Martin, I have tried to call you several times already today but to no avail. I tried at 9am (our time) but it just went to an answering service. I did not leave a message as I realised that due to our obvious time differences, you were probably asleep and I didn't want to wake you from your blissful, guilt free slumber. I tried again at midday but it was answered by a lady. I asked to speak to you in case it was your secretary but she said she had never heard of you. Guessing I had dialled a wrong number, I tried again. On my third attempt, a man answered and asked if I was Blue Sparrow. I asked him to repeat himself and he then asked if I had done the job as requested. I wasn't quite sure what he meant so I said no. He then started shouting at me, saying if I did not fulfil the contract then I would be the one wearing the concrete boots and swimming with the fishes. This worried me Martin as I cannot swim and am highly allergic to fish. Even the mere sniff of a crabstick is enough to bring me out in hives and leave me gasping for breath. In a panic, I hung up.

I have no idea what was going on there. I double checked the number you had given me, +234-8097068645 and it was the correct one. Do you have any idea what that was all about? Had you left your phone unattended at all Martin? You really should be careful as someone could end up running up a huge bill.

Our technical department checked our phone lines yesterday but could find no problem. We don't seem to be having much luck do we Martin?

Anyway, I am leaving the office early today. It's old Mrs Genders’ retirement party. She's been with us since the start and we want to give her a good send off. High Lord Rezillo is due to 'take' her straight after the strippers have finished. She can't get enough of those roly poly builder boys the old fox!!

Hopefully we will get to speak tomorrow Martin. I hope you get to the bottom of what is going off with your phone. That really is most disconcerting.

Once again, many thanks for all your hard work and fingers crossed the NDDC look upon my invoice favourably.

Fond regards

Grey