Martin Eze: August 2013

Friday, 9 August 2013

Introducing Phrodite and Eunuch Solicitors at Law.

I would like to introduce you to Mrs Herma Phrodite, principal partner in Phrodite and Eunuch, solicitors at law. She is the lucky lady drawing up the paperwork to assign power of attorney to Peter Mark, the Nigerian attorney. She contacts them and sends them the letter from They Are Amongst Us.

From Herma Phrodite to Infinity Chambers

Dear Sirs

We are Phrodite and Eunuch, the Solicitors at Law appointed by They Are Amongst Us to deal with the paperwork relating to the contract between themselves and the NDDC. Please find attached the documentation giving full power of attorney to yourselves in relation to signing affidavits and documents on their behalf. I am sure you will find this in order.

You will now be aware that Mr Grey Being was involved in an unfortunate accident and has been out of contact to yourselves. He is being released from hospital later today and I am sure he will be in touch in due course.

If there are any problems or you need any further information, do not hesitate to contact us. My name is Mrs Herma Phrodite and I am the person dealing with this matter.

Yours sincerely

Herma Phrodite

Here is the rubbish document I sent them.

And in reply.

Dear Sir/Ma,

Thank you for your information. Kindly let me have your contact phone number. Also make sure you send a copy of this mail to the tender board of the NDDC.

Regards,
Peter Mark
Principal Partner, Infinity Chambers Ltd

I send a copy to the NDDC and one to Martin.

Dear Mr Martin Eze

My name is Mrs Herma Phrodite and I am a partner in Phrodite and Eunuch, Solicitors at Law, appointed by They Are Amongst Us to deal with paperwork relating to the contract between themselves and the NDDC. Please find attached a copy of the document sent to Infinity Chambers giving them full power of attorney to deal with and sign affidavits and other documents on their behalf.

I understand buy now that you have been informed of Mr Grey Being's unfortunate accident. I am assured that he will be back at work by next week and available to be contacted at home on his usual email address by tomorrow. I am sure he will appreciate your understanding on this matter. If you have any queries please do not hesitate to contact either us or Mr Being's secretary.

Yours sincerely

Herma Phrodite

Martin replies but signs the email Mark. It must be hard remembering who you are supposed to be!

Dear Herma Phrodite,

It is very important you send this letter to NDDC lawyer as i have not power to represent them in signing any document on their behalf.
Ask Gery to provide the lawyer email address to you.

Regards,
Mark

Grey Being has had an accident.

Helvetica Typeface, Grey's secretary has bad news for Martin. He's had an accident which is why he hasn't been in touch.

From Helvetica.

Dear Martin Eze

I am contacting you with regard to Mr Grey Being. Unfortunately, he was involved in a nasty accident late on Friday night. He was returning from Voniaco 5 with High Lord Rezillo when the craft was struck by lightening. He sustained a broken leg and minor burns and was kept in hospital. He is being allowed home today and will be returning to work next week. He will however keep updated from home until he returns.

He realises that this is rather inconvenient given the importance of your business dealings but has asked me to assure you that everything is in hand and you should be hearing from our lawyers shortly with the relevant paperwork.

Many thanks for your understanding on this matter.

Yours sincerely

Helvetica Typeface.

From Martin.

Dear Helvetica Typeface,

I am very sorry for this news, tell him that i will be praying for him for quick recovery. Meanwhile, i will be waiting to get good report from your lawyer.

Regards,
Martin

Blah blah blah!!! Sometimes Martin is such a pest!

Martin! If a day goes by without me contacting him, he starts sending me lots of messages. I do like to keep him hanging on so deiced to just ignore him for a while. I do feel sorry for the people at Barnsley College who keep getting phone calls from a Nigerian Man asking for Grey Being!

From Martin.

Dear Grey,
I will be expecting good news from you.

Regards,
Martin

From me.

Dear Martin

I am awaiting our lawyers preparing the necessary documentation to send to enable Mr Peter Mark to act as power of attorney and sign the necessary documents on our behalf.

I realise this whole process is taking sometime but it is out of my hands I am afraid. Hopefully this way we will ensure that everything goes smoothly and there are no hitches in the process.

I shall contact you asap once I hear back from my lawyers. And remember, patience is a virtue Martin!

Regards

Grey.

From Martin.

Dear Grey Being,
Yes i do understand, Government have their way of doing things.Nothing good comes easy. The whole issue must pass through due process.

I do understand that it need patience.

God will help us.

Regards,
Martin

And another.

Dear Grey Being,

I have been calling the number you send to me, and a lady kept telling me that he do not know the person i am talking about.
Send me your personal cell phone so that i will call you.

Again, have you hear from their lawyer. Update me.
Regards,
Martin

And another.

Dear Grey Being,

Today is a new day and a new week. It is very important we conclude this transaction this week.Update me.
Regards,
Martin

And yet another!

Dear Grey Being,

I am confused, what is happening?
Update me.
Regards,
Martin

And one last one.

Dear Grey Being,

Any problem? Update me Please.
Martin

Patience is a virtue Martin!

I let Martin know that I have contacted Infinity Chambers, not that he doesn't already know. He constantly pushes for updates. I choose to be sketchy and make him wait.

From me.

Good morning Martin

I have contacted the NDDC requesting a Nigerian Attorney at Law to sign the contract on my behalf as I am unable to travel to Nigeria at this present moment.

I shall update you as soon as I hear back from them.

Many thanks

Grey.

From Martin.

Dear Grey Being,

I am grateful for your effort. As soon as they get any lawyer for you, do update me so that i will visit the person.

God bless you.
Regards,
Martin

Another from Martin.

Dear Grey Being,

How are you today with your workforce?hope all is well.

Did you contacted them for the lawyer issue.Update me.
Regards,
Martin

And from me.

Dear Martin

I have emailed the relevant departments re the signing of the contract and I await their response. I shall of course inform you as soon as I hear anything.

Regards

Grey

From Martin.

Dear Grey Being,

I am very grateful, do carry me along for more update.

God bless you,
Regards,
Martin

From me.

Martin

I will update you as soon as I hear anything, Please bear with me.

Regards

Grey.

And another from Martin.

Dear Grey Being,

Okay, i will be waiting.

Regards,
Martin

Introducing Mr Peter Mark and Infinity Chambers.

So, I have decided that I cannot travel to Nigeria to sign the documents and Mary Okoro of The NDDC wants me to contact Infinity Chambers so they can assign me a lawyer. On putting 'Infinity Chambers' into Google, the first result is an anti-scam website so if any of you were in any doubt that this was a scam, there is more proof.

From Mary Okoro of The NDDC

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your mail. The man who is presently in Asia demands for your mobil number as he wants to speak with you.

Regarding the lawyer's contact, they have said I should send the following details to you:

Mr. Mark Peter (SAN)
Senior Partner
Infinity Chambers Ltd
26 New World Rd, Lagos Nigeria
Email: info@infinitychambersltd.com

Please kindly contact him and find out his itenary. Do contact him immediately and ask him his charges. Possibly mobilise him with payment to enable him commence the procedures.

Regards,

Mrs. Mary Okoro
Secretary

So, I contact Infinity Chambers.

Dear Sir

I have been asked to contact you about signing the contract between ourselves - They Are Amongst Us and The NDDC for the tender to supply good for their project.

I would be grateful if you could send me details of your fees and availability by return mail.

Yours sincerely

Grey Being

And Peter Mark replies.

Dear Sir/Madam,

LETTER OF INTRODUCTION

Thank you for your mail. I am a Solicitors and Advocate residents in Lagos, Nigeria. I have been briefed on the urgency your company require in signing some Contract documents at the Ministry Of Justice head quarter in Abuja.

It is my pleasure to inform you that the above assignment is within my scope and it is usually based on local remunerations. To carry out this assignment satisfactorily, I have to go to the High Court to swear the necessary affidavits that will empower me to be your legal representative in signing the documents. Again, I need a power of Attorney duly written and signed in your company headed paper authorizing me to sign all documents relating to your contract.

At the High Court where the necessary affidavits will be sworn, the following fees will be paid before authenticating the Affidavits:

Oath Fee = US$ 700.00
Stamp Duty = US$1400.00
Legalization = US$850.00

Above all, our professional fee to carry out this noble assignment for you is the sum of US$600.00.

Total fees required =US$3600.00.(or the equivalent in GBP).

On hearing from you, we shall commence preliminary arrangement prior to the signing of the documents.

I assure you of a maximum satisfaction of my professional services which include making sure that the terms of the agreement are fulfilled and on time.

Anticipating your good cooperation and understanding.

Yours faithfully,
Peter Mark (SAN)
Principal Partner
Infinity Chambers Ltd

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Necessary but a bit boring update.

I haven't updated this blog for a while and so much has happened. The last update saw the NDDC send me the four documents, awarding me the contract. Now Martin got all rashy, pestering me to update him and generally being bossy about what I should do next. I do love to ignore him!!!

From Martin

Dear Grey Being,,

I am very happy to hear from you confirming that you received the award documents. That is to show you my sincerity and seriousness.

I am very happy. Please do contact them and demand the next step and update me.

Regards,
Martin

And again.....

Dear Grey Being,

Information reaching me from the office of the NDDC states that they have sent a draft contract to you. Please this is to show that God is on our side.

It is very important you contact them as soon as possible to avoid delay. Do this and update me.

Regards,
Martin

And again .......

Dear Grey Being,

I hope that you are not out of your office.. Please do confirm to me as i was told that you have receive a draft contract, this is not the time to delay, we need to work hand in hand.

Do get back to me.

Regards,
Martin

I finally decide to reply.

Good afternoon Martin

I must send my most sincere apologies for the delay in contacting you. I sent the draft contract away for our lawyers to check over and there are no issues with it at all you will be pleased to hear. Unfortunately, we had a major crash of our entire computer network which brought utter chaos to the company. We got the very best technical staff in to remedy the problem and they have worked tirelessly for the last 24 hours to fix the situation. It turns out, one of the cleaners had unplugged the main network server to plug her hoover in and forgot to plug it back in again afterwards! Hasten to add, she has now been dismissed.

So Martin, everything seems above board and complete with the draft contract. I shall contact the NDDC forthwith and apologise for the delay. I shall of course update you as soon as I hear anything in response.

May the High Lord Rezillo look favourably on us all.

Regards

Grey.

And from Martin.

Dear Grey Being,

Thanks for your kind update. Please it is very important you ask your lawyer to sign the contract and return to them. Please this will enable me give them close marking as we are getting closer to finalize the contract.

So contact them and do update me.

Regards,
Martin

Martin Eze