He is a man!!! - A reply from Martin.

Oooohhh!!! He's getting all touchy and dominant!! I think Helvetica might want to email him again ;)



Dear Grey Being,

You must be careful with your word,i am a man not a woman, if your secretary is controlling you go ahead and never ask me to apologize to her again

If you are interest go ahead get back to me or you back out

Apologise, or else! - A message from Grey

I decide to tell Marty to apologise in person or I may call the deal off. Let's see what he has to say about that!


Dear Marty

I have to insist that you send Helvetica a personal email to apologise. It's no good expecting me to be the one who does your dirty work for you. Man up and say sorry! It's not too much to ask if you want this deal to go ahead.

Grey

A half hearted apology - A reply from Martin.

After taking him to task about his lack of manners to poor Helvetica, this is the best he can do? Tut tut! We shall see about that.

Dear Grey Being,

I am happy reading your mail,you say sorry to your secretary on my behalf as i did not put please and thanks, i will correct the mistake.

Anyway, i have send your price list to the NDDC for evaluation. It may also interest you to know that i have no power to tell you the actual quantity needed.

I am an agent as i told you before living on my commission.

So as soon as i hear from them, i will update you to enable us move forward.  Again, it may interest you to know that this contract will last for one year if your company win this contract after bidding.

I will keep you update.

My regards to your secretary and tell her that i will always put please and thanks.

Thanks.

Martin Eze

A price list and a word of caution - A reply from Mr Grey Being (Gravy)

I had to take Marty, as I have now decided to call him to task over his lack of manners towards poor Helvetica. He has to apologise to her. If he doesn't, then I may well call our deal off. As well as the price list, which if you read it, kind of overcharges him for super bulk purchases, I have included a stark warning about the use use of the Hook of Hangarthain via the lyrics of an Adam and the Ants song, Never trust a man with egg on his face!  Adam Ant  


 
Dear Marty

I hope you don't mind me calling you Marty. I like to do business with people I feel comfortable with. You can call me Gravy! It's what my close friends call me. Some of them even call me Bisto as a bit of a joke lol!! Anyway, back to business.

I see you got the mail from my secretary Helvetica. Sometimes I don't know what I would do without her. She attends to my every need, sending emails, writing letters and other needs of a more personal nature if you get my meaning ;) Every high flying businessman needs a little personal relief now and then (nudge nudge wink wink) Do you have a secretary or personal assistant Marty?

Helvetica was a little upset when she read your email as you never said please or thank you to her. She is a sensitive soul and easily offended by bad manners. Maybe you could send her a quick email to apologise for your lack of manners? I am sure she would appreciate it.

Right, down to business. You didn't state what quantities you would wish to purchase the items in so I have come up with some rough estimates for you.

Dual Lensed Devo ReRectalator

Single unit cost £75

Bulk purchase of 100 units £650

Super bulk purchase of 1000 units £700000

Spiral of Zumanthaza

Single unit price £47.99

Bulk purchase of 100 units £400

Super bulk purchase 100 units £450000

Were you interested in any of the other products? I can heartily recommend the Hook of Hangarthian. I must stress that this should be used with caution, as the following court report proves. This was a real event that happened just 4 months ago.

A man and a woman walking down the street

With a son and a daughter, it was, oh, so sweet

When Mummy turned to Daddy and she said

"My dear, write out your will, the end is near"
Then she pulled out the gun I saw the sparks

Messed up the suit that he'd bought from Marks Because
She'd heard the voices from outer space

She'd heard the voices from outer space

She'd heard the voices from outer space

Saying, "Never trust a man with egg on his face"
Three months later Mrs. B stands

A smile on her face, blood on her hands

The kiddies got scared and have run to bed
The headlines in the papers said that

She was the victim of an awful plan

Announced through the mouthpiece of a little green man
She'd heard the voices from outer space saying

"Never trust a man with egg on his face"
La La

So, please use with extreme caution.

Well Marty, I am very excited about this potential deal and hope we can come to a satisfactory conclusion soon. Roughly how long does it take for the panel to decide if the deal will go through for me to supply the products?

I look forward to your polite and speedy response on this matter and please don't forget to apologise to poor Helvetica.

Best wishes

Grey (Gravy Baby!!)

Send a price list - A reply from Martin

He's very rude is Martin, he never says please or thank you. I think I shall have to take him to task about this. Anyway, he has looked at the website and wants a price list. Can he not see the prices on the website? I may have to increase them now.


Dear Helvetica Typeface

Send the price list of the below items to enable me submit it to the Principal Buyer for evaluation.

{1} Dual Lensed Devo ReRectalator

{2} Spiral of Zumanthaza

Send the price asap,

Regards,

Martin Eze

Introducing Mr Grey Being's secretary.

Mr Eze is pretty impatient, always wanting to know if I received his email if I don't reply straight away. I don't like pushy. I have been busy setting up the website for They Are Amongst Us so couldn't be bothered to reply. I wanted it finished so I could send him a link. I decided to get my secretary, Miss Helvetica Typeface to send him a message on my behalf.

This is the website 

The Are Amongst Us

And here are a couple of emails sent back and forth. Notice he has changed his name back to Martin this time!

Dear Grey Being

Did you received the mail i sent you yesterday?

Regards,

Martin

Good morning Mr Eze

I am Helvetica Typeface, Mr Grey Being's secretary. He is busy in meetings today but was keen for you to veiw our company website. Please feel free to browse the amazing products we have for sale. I am sure you  will be extremely impressed.

They Are Amongst Us

 

Mr Grey Being will be back in the office later today where I am sure he will be looking forward to your response on this matter.

Yours faithfully

Helvetica Typeface

PP Mr Grey Being

 

A reply from Marting - Yes, he's changed his name!

Mr Eze appears to have changed his name to Marting. How very lovely for him! It's these sloppy mistakes that give them away every time. I have checked out the NDDC website as he suggested and they are a real organisation who look to do some very good work. I wonder if they know Mr Eze and how he uses their good name to scam money? I think not. He goes on about contracts and tenders but hasn't once mentioned any of their projects or what kind of products they are wanting to be supplied. How odd! Oh, and he never answered my questions. I shall have something to say about that believe me!!

Dear Grey Being

You are welcome back to your business, i understand you had a nice time interacting with people that matters in business.As i told you that i am a commission agent under NDDC below is their official website.www.nddc.gov.ng

You are free to go through it  to enable you have a clear understand of where we are going. Again, it may also interest you to know that it will be another great change for you to expand your business  in Nigeria.

If at the end of the day your company win the contract to supply your product to them, believe me your turn over in a year will be great.I have been working for them as agent for 2 years, and i have been having a nice time and good relationship with them. So for me i promise to try my best to make sure your company win the contract after tender.

So do get back to me with your product list and your best price list to enable me submit it to them for evaluation.

You are free to call me  at any time .

Regards,

Marting Eze

+2348097068645

A.S.I.F - A reply to Martin.

After a few busy days, I finally had time to be able to reply to Martin. He hasn't actually asked me what line of busines I am in yet so I thought I had better tell him. My business was started after a visit from high Lord Rezillo, a hat tip to Alistair Donaldson aka William Mysterious, bass player with The Rezillos who died this week. Let's see if Martin has any idea what A.S.I.F means!!





Dear Martin (I hope it's ok to call you Martin?)

I am now back at work after a few days away at a business conference so thank you for your patience. This conference was an excellent opportunity for my company to get it's name more widely known so it was extremely important for me to attend.

I suppose I really should tell you a bit more about my company if you are still interested in doing business with us. I feel it is imperative that as potential business partners, we are upfront and honest right from the word go. At 'They Are Amongst Us', we specialise in products aimed at the A.S.I.F (Arbitrary Salutation Intergalactic Furtherance) market. Whilst we realise that this is quite a niche market, we have a healthy and increasing annual turnover of in excess of £25m per annum. I am sure you will agree that this is a pretty good turnover for a compay that I started from my own garden shed back in 2000! From a lone venture, started by me after a nocturnal visitation by the High Lord Rezillo one sunday evening in December 1999 to a multi million pound company in just 13 years, I don't think I have done too badly! I now employ 2000 staff over 4 sites and am the worlds largest and most successfull A.S.I.F manufacturer.

We are in the process of doing a major reconstruction and overhaul of our company website so will send you a link in a few days when the work is complete.

Martin, would you like to tell me a little more about yourself and your role as government accredited commission agent for the Niger Delta Development Commission please? I like to get to know a person before I consider entering into business with them. Does the Niger Delta Development Commission have a website or some more information that I could look at please? I also like to know people on a more personal level so could you please answer the following questions please:

What is your favourite time of year?
Who is your hero?
What size shoe do you take?
When did you last cry at a movie and which one was it?
Have you ever eaten Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Please feel free to ask questions of myself as I like to  think I am a very honest and open person.

I look forward very much to recieving your reply and hope we can get this potential deal moving.

Yours sincerely

Grey.

He's keen! I'll make him wait!

Well, Mr Eze is a keen one! Because I didn't reply straight away to his email, he emailed me again:

Dear Mr Grey Being,

Did you received the mail i sent to you about the supply of your product?

Regards,

Martin

Yes, I did but couldn't be bothered to reply straight away. I knew I was going to be busy for the next few days so I sent him this:

***Automated response***

Mr Grey Being is away from the office until 26th June 2013. All correspondence will be attended to on his return.

Many thanks.

They Are Amongst Us.



To which he replied:




Dear Grey Being

Are you out of office?
Regards,
Martin 

 


Doh!!!!!!!!!!

A reply from Mr Eze

So, Mr Eze replied. He was very quick in his response and keen to tell me all about how he would be paid! The email was in the usual bad English and didn't really make much sense. Reading his reply, I seriously can't understand how people still fall for these scams.

Dear Mr Grey Being,

We are in receipt of your mail, the content understood.This is to bring to your notice that we are commission agents attached to the Niger Delta Development Commission, in Nigeria (NDDC)  www.nddc.gov.ng

It may interest you to know that we agents are mandated to source for a reputable company/individual that can supply his/her product to them in a large quantity under tender  for  rural development work that is ongoing now.

Thanks also for your interest, therefore your company has been invited to participate in a tender to supply your product.

We are going to stand as your local agent and it is our duty as your local agent to guide you accordingly on how to apply for the tender processing.

This is to bring to your notice that we agent are not paid, we depend on our commission, any company/individual that supply his/her item to them through us {agent} stands to pay for our commission.

And my commission is 2% of the total invoice value you are going to supply to them, and you will  pay  me after you have received your contract payment from the consignee into your bank account, then i will forward my account details  to enable you  remittance of my commission into my account.

Payment Method:- 80% T/T down payment before productions, while 20% T/T payment sighted before shipment.

Means of payment:- Bank to Bank transfer system, to be confirm by your bank.

Delivery time:- 360 days from the day of initial payment.

Proforma Invoice:- CIF Lagos-Apapa

Shipment Destination:- Lagos-Apapa Sea-Port

Partial shipment and contract review is allowed.

If you are interested in the tender and can handle this order with quality product and delivery within the agreed time, then get back with your  product lsit and best price list/specification to enable me submit it to  them for evaluation.

Awaiting for your prompt response, and have a nice day.

In the mean time, I look forward to hearing from you by return of my mail & to developing a long term business partnership with you soon.

Regards,
Agent:Mr. Martin Eze .+234-8097068645

Introducing Mr Martin Eze and Mr Grey Being

I haven't had a scammer for ages and was really starting to miss the thrill of the chase so decided to go and look for one. I remembered a forum I had signed up to where people post details of scam baiting and also scam emails they have received but decide not to reply to. Instead of the usual dating scam, I chose one wishing to do business. This is the original email:


Dear Supplier,
My name is Martin Eze . I am a government accredited commission agent, looking for manufacturers in your field, whose products are certified as good quality products. We need different kinds of products that you offer, and you can reach us for effective and efficient business.
Please furnish us with full details of the standards of your products.
We will appreciate it more, if you give us detailed specification, website, and price lists. Also, we would like to know of your payment terms and the difference when we place a large order. Your prompt and detailed response will be appreciated. I await your prompt response.
Regards,
Agent:Mr. Martin Eze . 

I haven't corresponded with a business scammer before so thought I may as well give it a go.So Mr Grey Being, CEO of They Are Amongst Us was born! Here is his first email to Mr Eze:

Dear Mr Eze

Many thanks for your considered email.  It reached me at a great time for my company as we are looking to expand our amazing products worldwide. Each and every one of our unique products is manufactured to the very highest standards, only the very best will do. This is why we are looking for potential business contacts that can help our company reach it's full potential.

I would very much like it if you could forward me a few more details about yourself Mr Eze and how we can further this potential business partnership.


I look forward to your speedy response on this matter.

Yours sincerely

Mr Grey Being

CEO They Are Amongst Us.

Here's to a long and successful partnership!